Where Have all the Real Folks Gone



We are all being robbed of a genuine life. A life that includes real men and real women. This world is so busy trying to be better than one another and believing we each have more to prove than the other, that we have lost what the real meaning of being a man or a woman is and the real purpose of our role. The whole reason God put man on this earth was to make a man in the image of him that could manage the environment around him and care for what he created. The sole purpose of adding a woman to the equation was to give man a partner, someone to keep him from being alone and to work along side of him and to provide the nurturing care, someone to bring the warmth and the tender touch that is so necessary for any human and of course to procreate with and carry on the chain of life.




Somewhere along the way we all decided to stop working as teammates and to start competing with one another. We all decided to create our own definition of what a real man or woman is, and we even started changing that definition by race and definition of oneself, such as gay, lesbian, transgender. We are single handedly mutilating the very structure of what God created and turning it into a very sad and lonely world. A world full of destruction, anger, and hostility. A world where we have not only stopped respecting one another, but we have shown our children that it is acceptable to be disrespectful and arrogant towards others.

A real man is not someone who abuses his wife and children or walks out of their lives because he either chooses not to be responsible or sees a better view somewhere else. A real woman is not someone that holds herself greater than a man and feels the necessity to work harder than a man and neglects her family and her home or worse chooses not to participate at all and only focuses on her own needs and desires.


Real men are strong in mind and heart. They are decisive and forthright. They stand to deflect the evils and any risk of suffering to their wife and children. They communicate with their wife, even if what they have to say is not what their wife wants to hear because they know that they must share what they feel in order to keep their relationship strong and intact. These things are not meant to hurt but instead to give understanding and reflection. Real men are gentle, and they are loving, and they are the support and the pillar of their family. Men are meant to have strength and be emboldened with a spine of unyielding purpose.


This does not mean that they cannot be sensitive to another’s feelings and needs, but that they in fact, are capable of standing strong in their beliefs and their decisions for their family and themselves.


Real women are strong in mind and heart as well, but they are also nurturing and loving, comforting and supportive. They are the warmth in the room, the caregiver and the glue that holds the whole family together. They are what keeps their husband motivated and they guard the window to a man’s soul. Women are also responsible for communicating their needs and expectations to their husbands for the very same reasons a man must share his.


Communication is not a weakness; it is without a doubt a necessary strength in order to hold a marriage together and keep a family unit strong.


Of course, you can be a strong woman and hold a career, but you must also remember your role at home and why this is your role and not the nanny’s or technologies. Men can be lovers and have a gentle touch and a sensitivity about them, but they can never hold the heart that a woman holds and fulfill the motherly instincts of a woman.


Yes, men can be rugged and enjoy the rawness of being a man. Men should be afforded the right to be proud, but not at the expense of a woman or a child. Men should never feel less than because a woman chooses to work, but they are allowed to expect that she will still hold her duties at home as something valued and important. Of course, men are capable and should be willing to work as a team and help out at home as well.


It does not matter what race or what definition you give yourself, you still hold one very important responsibility and that is the one to God, your creator, and the very reason he placed you on this earth, to live in his image not the image you choose for yourself. Changing the definition of our roles for our own sense of self- worth will never find us feeling fulfilled in this world, we will only continue to destroy the very beauty the good lord intended for all of us. Let’s face it, no matter if you are in a relationship as a man and a woman, a man and a man, or a woman and a woman or some other distinction, no matter your race or culture, you still hold a relationship where one partner is the dominant and one the passive and relationships all hold the same responsibility of the Godly values you vowed to.


I was married to a very real man, and I always believed myself to be a very real woman, both of us committed to one another and our children, both of us fulfilling all of our roles as husband, wife, mother, and father, but we lacked in comparison to what the lord intended of us. We had faults and behaviors that the lord would never find acceptable, because we are still human and are susceptible to the devil’s hand. We took pride in being great communicators with each other and being real with each other.


It is not meant to be easy folks, but we make it harder by our own works and at our own hand.


We are never less than or without simply because we have feelings. God gave us a heart and a soul for a reason. He meant for us to feel and to love, he meant for us to have passion and to be strong and to fight for each other and ourselves. He did not intend for us to be evil towards each other or to weaken each other, to take advantage of each other or manipulate each other. No, all of those are the works of the devil and at the very hands of yourselves.


We are lacking real men and women in this world today because of our own doing.


Somewhere along the way we were fed the belief that women could be more powerful than men and that men were only powerful with their hands and their words. Somewhere along the way men were fed the garbage that women were beneath them and were weak and only to be seen and not heard. Somewhere along the way we believed it best to destroy a man’s dignity and degrade his manhood, to weaken him would make life better. We were led to believe that women could never measure up to men in any way. None of this is truth and all of this is just simply disgusting and wrong.


When men are weakened and their pride is stripped of them as men, they become nothing more than mushy flesh with no purpose and no sense of oneself. A man that is indecisive and pathetically spineless is not worth a grain of salt. Is that the kind of man women truly want? Is that the kind of man we want as the example for our young boys? I sure hope not. I know I certainly do not.


When women are made to feel meek and scared with no strength of their own, they become helpless, pitiful, empty shells of themselves. Is that the kind of woman a man truly wants? Is that the kind of woman we want as the example for our young girls?


Do we want at any time for our children to believe that this type of man and woman are the way we should all be? Of course, we don’t.


As men and women in this world we all want to hold a certain level of dignity and strength about us. We all want to be respected and appreciated. We all want to feel loved and like we are treasured by the ones we love. We all want to find that special someone that is willing to lasso the moon for us and believes that we ourselves hung that moon.


As mothers and fathers, we want all of these things for our children as well and we want to be the example that they gleam these ideas from and that inspires them to want to carry on with the same traits and behaviors as their parents did. Perhaps even afford them a little room to be even better than we were.


It's really quite simple folks, if we all lived our lives as God intended for us to do, there would be no need for women to prove a greater strength or power than men, there would be no need for men to feel a necessity to control a woman and it has no relevance what your race or culture and sexual preference may be, because you see living your life through the eyes of the lord is not carried out based on the color of your skin or culture you hold or your choice in who you love, it carried out through the works of the lord and mannerisms with which you carry yourself as a human being. It is guided and judged by how well you carry out these things through the eyes of the lord.


So, if you are determined to prove yourself a strong man or woman, then live your life with dignity and grace, respect yourselves and others and lead by example. Be responsible for the roles you hold and carry them out with honor, loyalty, and promise. Be faithful and know that your strength is built through the lord and not by being greater than one another. You will not need to prove yourself if you know that all you do is seen as a job well done through the eyes of the lord.


So, I ask you, for the sake of the young women and young men searching for their first love and for the sake of others like me who are finding themselves starting over again in the search for a real man or woman who can share the remainder of their lives with them, where have all the real folks gone?








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