When everything hurts and life seems at its worst and you don’t know what the answer is to take it all away or mend the wounds. When you feel lost and hopeless, like the world has let you down or even worse you have let your world down. When you feel such chaos that your mind can not think, and you just can’t take on anymore. How can anyone make it right?
We all tend to think that we all have this great advice to fix someone’s pain and we all try to reach out and extend a heartfelt sentiment to ease the hurt, let them know someone cares. We say things like, “you need to be strong”, “you will get through this”, “it will get easier”, “there is a rainbow at this end of this storm”.
These are all kind things to say, and it is great that we all want to help each other through our toughest moments and give each other the strength to carry on, but maybe the best thing we can do, is stop giving advice and just be there to listen. Stop stating what is expected and just let them know you love them and if they need you, you are here. Maybe we need to be the pillow they lay their head on and the arms they need to fall into and stop trying to be the trainer in their corner spouting directions and suggestions on your idea of what is best for them.
Let your person know that it is ok to be frustrated and to hurt, it is ok to be confused and feel lost in their mess. Let them find their way and when they are ready, let them ask you for advice and then be ready to continue listening to what they tell you they need. It is ok to be a cheerleader, when the timing is right in the game, but you never want to be the person they end up resenting or pushing away.
So just be a friend, a loved one who is there, be the person they need when they ask you to care.
It is not easy to watch people you love go through turmoil and pain, we all want to help and see them smile again, we want to give them the strength they need and be their rock when the waters seem deep. I think the best thing to do is be the one in their hearts they hold onto and the words they keep.
Nothing is ever too much to bear when we know we have someone out their who truly loves us and cares.
