Sometimes we lose sight as we wade through the darkness in life, and we are unable to see the light shining through that is meant to guide us along our path to our life’s true destination. We are so busy trying to fight our way through the battle and being filled with anger that we must endure these trials that we neglect to see the light along the way.
I, myself am guilty of this very behavior. I have been so busy trying to get the happiness I have been seeking and believing that others wanted that same happiness that I neglected to see anyone else’s feelings along the way.
I told myself that I always have an open heart and care about others and their feelings and that is true, but what I did not see was that what I believe is best for everyone does not fit into everyone else’s world. There is not a black and white cookie cutter scenario that makes everything perfect in life. The destination to your happiness is more than just a simple answer or a turn in the right direction, it’s a trail of ups and downs, it’s a rocky road of bumps and bruises along the way.
The reality is that if your end result is really what you desire it to be than it will be there, when you get through the dark. If the path you are forcing yourself to take is the right one than you will start to see the light shining through when the time is right. I am a believer many life motto’s , such as , “You must fight for what you want in life”, “ when you see what you want, take it”, “ If you don’t grab it, someone else will” , “ life is short, live now”, “ if you find love, hold onto it, it does not come along everyday” and many more along these lines.
So, I told myself one day, I am not happy in the life I am living, I want more, I want to live for me and reach out for my dreams. I quit my job and I took a leap of faith that I would find the happiness I deserved in a career when the time was right. I told myself I would never love again, I had my time in love and its over now, but I was wrong. I did not realize I was wrong until I came face to face with someone and couldn’t stop my heart from racing and couldn’t keep my mouth from telling him how I felt.
I told myself this was the way I was going to handle my life, see what you want and grab it! Never hold back, take hold of your life, and make it what you want it to be, it is yours to live now! That is just what I was setting out to do. Fight for the life I want and get it, but through all of my elation, I lost my way, the darkness set in and I could no longer see the light shining, I became afraid and I panicked and I lashed out and I attacked the fear that I was facing full throttle and then I fell down in the middle of the darkness in the realization of who I was becoming and I said “ no more” .
Life is hard and the battles are even harder. Knowing what you want and actually getting through the trials to achieve it are two very different things.
Never give up on your goals and what you believe in your heart is perfect for you but know that if any of these things are truly meant for you, they will happen when the timing is right, not on your time but on God’s time.
The light is starting to shine through my darkness, my tears lately have not been over losing my husband, I am happy that he has found paradise and he no longer has to survive this chaotic world, my tears have been over finding myself and learning to live this life on my own. Surviving the trials that have been landing in my path and learning to see that I can survive, and I will get through the tough times because I am strong.
I will find my happiness and the light will start to shine even brighter one day and I will reach my destination and whether it is with those I am hopeful to have there at the end or it isn’t, I will know that when I get there.
I must let everyone else get through their own trials and walk their own trails and if they should end up on my path, walking along side me toward the same destination, then what a blessing that will be, and if I am still walking it alone then that is the destination that God has meant for me.
Seeing the light through the darkness is not easy, but if we keep braving the trail and see the beauty in the darkness along the way, the light will shine for all of us one day!!