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My Talks with God ( journal entry 1)

Good Morning God

You have certainly provided me another beautiful day, a bit cloudy and cold but nonetheless beautiful. I am working on keeping on, God. I don’t believe it’s about moving on, because you can’t move on from a love that you will never stop loving and you can’t move on from moments you had with someone that you will always treasure. I think you can move on from the hurt though, you can learn to let go of the pain and begin to start seeing the beauty in what you once had. You can know how lucky you were that you had that special someone in your life for even a moment. It may not have been as long as you wanted it to be but what should matter is that you were blessed to have had them in your life at all. It would seem God, that you simply did not plan for them to live on this earth as long as we had hoped they would. I am guessing that you have a plan for me, and you will not let me be alone forever and that you know what is in store for my future.

I have to believe that your plans shift just as much as we ourselves shift in our everyday life plans, because you can’t possibly see every plan work out perfectly, not because you aren’t perfect but because we aren’t and you created us to have minds of our own and to make some decisions on our own basis, this is why we fail, because we are human. We make errors in our own judgment and find ourselves losing our own way quite often. This is when we reach to you and beg forgiveness and ask you to save us all over again.

So, you see God, this is why I believe when our plans change, your plans must change too. You must take into consideration some of our feelings and try to make some of our wishes a reality, right? It doesn’t seem fitting that you would just create a plan and hold to it, based on your own accord without any of our feelings being of matter. Why then would you give us a brain to think for ourselves or a heart to feel what we feel?

I hope that you hear me when I speak with you every day and I hope that you take my feelings into consideration when you are making your plan for me. I know we as humans are not perfect and we are not the best when it comes to planning for ourselves, but we certainly know what we feel and what we desire, although I am sure you know when our desires are not right for us as well. I just want to be happy lord; I want to do the things that make me feel my best and give me the greatest reward. I want to find love again and I know I tell you these things all the time, but I feel that I must stay consistent because I am hopeful that one of these times and one of these days you will hear me and help me to gain all of these things and just maybe you might make some of them exactly what I asked for. You know what they say, you never know unless you ask.

Please keep all of my friends and family healthy and safe, comfort them in their time of need. Comfort all of those who are hurting, struggling, and reaching for you at this time and even those who are not reaching.

You have given us all of this beauty around us, help us to keep it this way and to find the beauty in each other and to know that nothing protects us greater in this world than you do.

Well, until tonight when I say my bedtime prayers and again tomorrow when we talk again. Please keep my boys safe and sound, strong and smart, happy, and healthy. Think about the things I have asked and perhaps soon you can find it in your heart to grant me a few. Thank you for always being there to listen and for seeing me through every day.


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