Why is it that everyone has a particular idea in their mind that seems like the perfect person or the right one for them? Isn’t it said that you can’t help who you love? Yet, we all dream up this version of someone that is everything we desire in a lover, a partner, and a friend. We picture someone that fills every want and need we have in our lives, someone who will love us no matter what flaws we come with and who will stand beside us through the good times and the bad. We all dream of that perfect love.
The reality to all of this is that there is no absolutely perfect love. There are good and bad qualities about each and every one of us. There will be arguments and frustrations. You will find yourself angry with one another and even sometimes feeling hateful towards one another. There will be moments when you question why you even chose this person to be yours, but you will come to realize that through all of the bad, the things you love about them, matter the most and keep you wanting no one more than you want them.
If you find yourself unable to come to this conclusion than yes, you missed the mark on picking your perfect choice. Most likely you did not connect on feelings of love but simply on lust for each other. It sounds horrible I know, but if you can’t feel love for this person, all the way down to the tips of your toes, even throughout the struggles, then you did not find the right one.
The truth of the matter is that there are no perfect people in this world, we all have flaws and we all make mistakes and we all fall into moments of foolishness, but it's when we realize our mistakes, our flaws and our foolish acts and work to change them that makes us our best self and the ones we love can know that our love for them gave us reason to want to be better and to make us better together. This is when we become perfect together and when we know we made the perfect choice and have the perfect love.
I know I dream of the one person that will hold my hand every day, the person that will share my dreams and the lifestyle I want to lead. I dream of someone who will sit beside me on a deck overlooking the water as the sunrises and as the sunsets, someone who will share a beer with me and share the moments of their day and listen to the moments of mine.
Someone who makes me feel as if there is nowhere else, I would rather be, than right there beside them every night and every day. Someone who enjoys being silly and can laugh at themselves and we can laugh at each other. Someone who at the right moment will take my hand and dance with me, just because.
I dream of someone, I can learn to let go of their hand and let them be free and know that I can trust them without a shadow of a doubt, no matter where they go or how long they are away from me. Someone who every moment they are away from me they are missing me and can’t wait to be back where I am. Someone who shares with me the belief that our happiest place is wherever we are together. I want to find the one person that my boys can learn to love and appreciate for the way he treats and respects their mother and the smile he puts on her face.
Once upon a time, not so long ago, I had almost all of this minus the deck and the water. I had a spectacular man with many flaws and imperfections. He had many moments of foolishness, but I had the love all the way to my toes for him and everything I loved about him was worth all of the trials and tribulations. Up until recently I didn’t think I could find that again nor did I really want to try. I wanted to hold onto the beautiful love him and I had forever.
I am learning now that I can still hold onto that love, and I can make room for someone else to fill the place he left empty. I miss him and I miss what we had together. I miss our silliness with each other and our affection towards each other, I miss his face and his smile, his laugh, and his kiss, but I will always feel as if I am the luckiest woman in the world for having his love and being able to love him.
I know that I want to continue to feel this way and that it is ok to feel it with someone else, it will never take away or change how much I love the man that I once had. I know one day he will find me amongst the clouds, searching for those golden gates and he will hold out his hand and smile knowing that someone loved me just as he did until I came home to him.
These are my dreams and my idea of the perfect one for me. It is not the way someone looks or the bank account they hold. I am not looking for someone who is completely perfect as a human being, because I am not perfect myself, I am just looking for the perfect feelings they give me that make me love them more and more every day. I am looking for that person that makes the world feel perfect even if it’s falling down around us. I want that person that no matter what is occurring in the world, as long as we have each other, we have everything in the world we need.
Does it sound unrealistic, too perfect to be possible? Well, it won’t be perfect to you and of course it will be a life full of flaws and imperfection because we are human, but it will always be perfect to whomever he is and to me and that is all that truly matters.
I hope someday you find your perfect choice and I know someday I will be blessed for a second time to find mine.