The Peace We Seek
He said: “When I see you in pain or hurting, I want to fix it, to make it better, I want to make you smile every day. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy”. She said: “I want that too and I want to do the same for you”.
No one can ever see when the day will come when life stops you on a dime, sends you to the ground and rips your heart out from your chest. No one can know when the moments will come when you feel like you can not breath and everything within you just hurts, when you feel like you just can not take another step, you feel like there are no good answers or reasons why you are going through this, when it seems nothing can make it better, when there could not possibly be a way to fix it.
No one can understand your desire to want to take it all back, to start over, to roll back the tape and make changes. Sometimes it seems easier to just let things be and it would be better if we could just ignore the hurt and the pain and the reasons behind it and just go on living in a void state, just to feel the peace , to not think about it, to not have to endure the struggle or the difficult moments in order to get through it, because it quite simply feels like you will never feel better and you will never be able to fix it.
They said: “you need time to get through this, to find you, and to heal”.
She said “ I do not need time, I need life to go on, I need everyone to stop feeding me lines that seem like the right thing to say but will never take the hurt away, I need to be heard, I need someone to listen, I need to let out the thoughts in my head and the tears from my eyes, to flush out the pain and for everyone to stop telling me what they think is right, I need everyone to know that I know what I need and I am not making rash decisions, I’m making the right ones for me, I’ll know when they are not and when I have moved to fast, but I need to keeping going and jump on the right choices now to move forward in life and let go of the past”. “Some things are part of your destiny, God’s hand in your fate and you have to grab them before it is to late”.
No one can know the anger that fills you or the frustration that changes you, no one can reach in and make it all go away, but the empty void inside can be filled, the days can get brighter, and the stars can shine at night. The pain can be relieved, and the road can get easier to travel. There might be someone out there can make you smile again and make you happy every day for the rest of your life, but the only ones who know that are God and you.
You will make it through this, and time will ease the pain, you will walk with your head up and your heart will feel again. The days will get brighter, and the nights will find you at peace, but you have to keep reaching to find the relief. You must do what you need to do, not for anyone else but for you.
He said: I love you; I want you to find all the happiness in the world”.
She said: I love you and I want that for me and for you too, I know what makes my sunshine each day, and my nightmares go away, as well as my happiness love, I have already found it with you”. “So, the question is my sweet, what will make your happiness complete? “
You see it is not always what you think, no one heals the same way, everyone feels differently, and everyone handles their pain their own way. We are uniquely made, and we are never meant to be equally the same, we must endure our struggles our way and go on with our lives on our terms not anyone else’s.
We are all capable of carrying on and finding strength, it may not be through someone else, our happiness may not come with finding another to love, we may very well find loving ourselves is just enough.
We do not need anyone to tell us how to get through our struggles, or how long it might take, or when is enough. We just need someone to listen and space to choose what we need without judgement from the people who claim to care.
We will find the peace we seek in whatever time we need. God does not like to see his children suffer and all of us want happiness. We will get there, trust me.