Whose path are you Walking?

It’s a simple question, but is there a simple answer?

We all start out in this world in our simplest forms. As an infant we are typically born with every instrument we need to build ourselves into the person we choose to be, but from the very beginning we are being molded by what we see, what we hear, and what we feel. We are given no choice over the parents we are born to. They are our very first teachers in this world. They are the first people we perceive as leaders who know what is right and wrong. They have walked on this earth before us, fought through the trenches of early childhood and the beginning stages of adulthood. Our parents are the guides that begin our story. They are the first to mold our little minds and start us on our path to who we will be as human beings. The interesting part is that we are teaching them how to be parents and raise a child. They are of course using some of the things they were taught by their parents, but we are creating many firsts for them as we grow and make many first choices of our own. We are learning together how to get through the challenges that come along as we grow. They as parents and we as the children finding our path in the life we have been blessed with. Somehow along the way their little idiosyncrasies are adopted by us, and we carry those onto our own children.

Our parents are not the only influences on who we become. The friends we choose, the teachers who educate us, the family members we are in awe of, even those we are disgusted with, social media and the television, they all leave an impression on us. In some way they all have a hand in designing who we become as adults. The relationships we choose to be in, the bosses we work for, the coworkers we work alongside, and the new families we marry into, they all leave an impression and influence our behaviors in this life.

So, I will ask again, whose path are you walking? Have you been strong willed and strong minded enough to never allow anyone to decide your path for you? Can you be certain that no one along your way in life left an impression so great on you that it redirected you or caused you to change who you are or how you think?

It is a trick question and no there is no simple answer. I believe every single human being is influenced by a multitude of factors. They can make an impression on us, but it is ultimately up to each one of us which impressions matter, which ones we will ignore, and which ones we will adopt as a part of who we are.

I ask this question because I came to realize not too long ago how much I have let others influence who I am today. I have always been so worried about other people’s feelings, so absorbed by their impression of me that I spent my whole life changing myself to meet someone else’s needs. I was so busy trying to be what they wanted me to be that I lost who I truly was. I was so engulfed in believing their impression of me that I started to believe it myself. I hated everything about myself. I was so self-conscious of my appearance that I was miserable with myself. I was so concerned about pleasing others that I accepted their words of anger, disappointment, and what they led me to believe was them loving me enough to be truthful with me about the things I lacked as a young lady and a woman.

These impressions that were left on me and became a part of who I am are not easy to shake, but today I am fighting back. I am doing my due diligence to find who I am. I am starting over and teaching myself that I am a confident woman, I am a strong woman, I am a good God-fearing woman, and I am a loving woman. I am an awesome mother, a blessed mother, and I am an incredible wife. I am not without faults, but my faults are what makes me human. I am not physically fit or built like a model, but I have a wonderful husband who loves me for the beauty I possess within and tells me I am beautiful just the way I am. I am not perfect, but no one is other than God himself.  

A part of my old self still lingers. My self-confidence still needs strengthening, and I am still self-conscious about my appearance as I believe most of us probably are. I am learning that our real beauty is shown in the way we carry ourselves and the way we treat others. You can be the most stunning person in the room, but if your attitude is ugly, it will cast a dark shadow over any beauty you possess. If you are attacking others because they don’t share the same beliefs or behave the same way, you become the ugliest person in the room. You may not be the most attractive person in the room, but if you are loving, friendly, supportive, and respectful to those around you, your beauty will shine brighter than any light that surrounds you. You are the most stunning person in the room.

You see I was walking someone else’s path that they believed I should be on. I was living my life the way they thought life should be lived. I was carrying on their idiosyncrasies and using them against my own self. I loved them so much that I couldn’t imagine the idea of letting them down and I couldn’t believe that they might be wrong.

They were not wrong that I had flaws, but they were wretched to point them out repeatedly and portray that this was because they loved me. They made me believe that it was a good thing that they shared how they felt about me. They were giving me the opportunity to fix it.

I know now what damage that did to me and that they were so wrong.

Today the only path I walk is the path the Lord has chosen for me. I reach for his hands, and I place in them the wheel that directs my path. There is no greater journey than the one God has in store for me.  There is no greater beauty than that of a self-confident, strong human being that chooses to be the good in the world. The human being that helps others, extends a hand and picks others up instead of tearing them down. The human being that embraces others with a caring smile and a warm hug. The human being that puts someone else ahead of themselves and not behind them or underneath them. The human being that can see the true beauty in someone else and never lets their vision of someone stop at their outer appearance. The human being that never believes that their thoughts or opinions are the only ones that matter but instead opens their minds to the belief that we are all afforded the right to our own way of thinking and trying to force your beliefs on someone just makes you ugly.

There is a path designed for each one of us and I hope that every one of you find yours and never let another human choose your path for you.