Why is it that human beings are always reaching for more? Why are we never content with what we already have? Why does it seem like being healthy, having four walls around us, a roof over our head, and food to eat never feels like enough? Why do some believe that there is not a God, because if there was, we would not be suffering or enduring diseases? Perhaps we are just a greedy people that will never find fulfillment because we are too busy wanting more.
God has blessed me with everything I was aspiring to have, but none of it came easy. I have spent my entire life fighting for every happy moment, every material desire, every bit of peace I could get. I have spent thirty- two years paying bills, raising a family, working alongside, and fighting with my spouse, to get to where I am today. I have endured emergency surgeries, difficult pregnancies, watching a child suffer with diseases and losing my spouse.
I look at my life today and I have my health, four amazing children, a beautiful home, a wonderful man in my life and I live on the water, like I always wanted to, yet I am still struggling to feel completely fulfilled. I have never been happier with my life and still I feel sadness and burden.
I don’t blame God because I know the world and myself cause my pain. I live with the burden of never having enough money, the heartache of never understanding why someone I love left me so soon and watching the faces of my children as they feel the hurt and anguish of missing their father. The frustration of not being able to help my mother find her happiness in life and watching my family members struggle and suffer without being able to fix it all the way my heart wants to.
None of these things came about because God said take that or because he didn’t do anything to prevent it from happening in the first place. All of these things occurred because every one of us made choices in our lives that led us to these moments and into these situations. My husband lived the life he wanted, and his habits weakened his heart and caused his early death. Should my children and I suffer for that? No, but we do because of his choices not God’s.
My mother, myself, and most of us are financially burdened because of choices we made. We overspent, we embellished on our wants in life and made it harder to take care of our needs. We are not lacking money because God isn’t flourishing us with lottery winnings or leading us to goldmines. We do these things to ourselves, not to mention the governments hand in our pockets, again because of our own greed as a society.
My family’s health suffers because they don’t take care of themselves, they chose to have bad habits all of their lives and their bodies are paying the price for it now. Diseases are not manifested by God; they are brought on by the chemicals and the environment we have created on this earth. God makes the choice to take us out of our suffering and bring us home to paradise with him.
We are provided the freedom to make our own choices in this life and it is the choices we make that decide how we live and die. God helps those who help themselves and we as a people are not very good at doing the right things to help ourselves from suffering. Even my son’s diseases were not brought on by God but instead brought on, I believe by me. I have to believe that the way I took care of myself and my unborn child during my pregnancy led to his suffering and for that I will always be sorry.
It's not that we intentionally set out to hurt ourselves, but I believe it is instead that we have not allowed ourselves to have faith in God that he would see us through the storms, and we have not made the decision to live through God and be happy with what we already have. We have taken advantage of the gifts God has provided us from the beginning. The plant life surrounding us that provides us oxygen and the ability to breathe, the fruits and vegetables, oats and grains that keep us healthy, the water that flows around us that washes our bodies, feeds the plant life, keeps our bodies alive and the animals that walk and live amongst this earth that provide us with substance and nutrients for our bodies to survive. The warmth of the Sun and the light of the moon to guide us when its dark.
God gave us life and the earth we live on. We can make it a joyous life or a life full of strain and torture. It is up to us how we choose to live while we have life on this beautiful planet. Sometimes it's not so easy to see through the frustrations and the anger over what we haven’t accomplished or what we are struggling to achieve. We have a hard time seeing past what we want and don’t have and its always easier to blame someone or something else for our downfalls and our weaknesses. Most of us do just that. No one ever wants to look in the mirror and reprimand the person looking back at them. 's not easy to take the fault and accept the blame and for some when they do, they can’t live with it. You don’t have to hold onto it, you just need to realize it and do better.
You need to let go of the strife going on in your mind and your heart and let God take over as the leader on your path in this life. Let him show you how happy you can really be. You will still struggle from time to time, but you will learn to handle it better and you will find peace in knowing that you are no longer enduring the struggles alone. You will find the acceptance that God will never let you fall if you just believe.
We don’t survive on this earth because of what the government affords us, or the employer pays us, we survive on this earth through the choices we make and by the Grace of God.