It is not his Independence Day, it is not my Independence Day, it is not the Independence Day of one race or nationality, it is OUR Independence Day! As Americans we are blessed to have had fellow Americans willing to stand tall and put their lives on the line to fight for all of our freedom and our right to be independent and live free. Free to make our own choices, free to fulfill all of our worldly desires and free to live as we choose, without any governing body telling us otherwise. God Bless those Americans and their families for willingly making that sacrifice for all of us.
Because I am blessed to live free, I am able to continue on making the choices that my late spouse and I once made together, on my own. It does not take away the completely terrified feeling in my soul that I might screw everything up and let everyone down, but it is certainly my right to reach out and put forth my best effort to make the best decisions I can.
Yesterday I found myself drowning in tears, the faucet sprung a leak and I could not seem to stop crying. I have never felt so overwhelmed in all my life. I never had to take on the responsibilities of an entire household at this level before. I am not only responsible for the upkeep of every bit of my home, outside to inside, but I am solely responsible for the well- being and financial stability of my son, the dog, and myself. Every decision I make leaves our entire household teetering on the line.
I made a profound decision this past week to put in my two weeks’ notice at work as I felt my position there no longer suited me and in truth, I was really certain my supervisor felt the same way. I took a leap of faith, after reaching out to God in personal prayer and feeling his guidance tell me that I needed to aim higher and follow my ambition in life. After sitting at my home desk and managing my budget, I instantly revisited the decision I had made and what position I have put my son and my dog in, as well as myself. I suddenly felt like the worse person ever and like I was quite possibly letting everyone down.
A dear friend reminded me that I am stronger than that and to stop beating myself up for wanting to pursue what makes me happy. He reminded me that I am a good mom, a great mom and I would never put my child in any harm.
Today, while sitting on the front porch in the rain, drinking my morning coffee with the beauty of the Lord all around me, I felt a sense of peace that told me that God will never let me fall and he is always with me. I realized then that my friend was right I am strong, and I am never going to let my son suffer or come to any harm.
As I sat there looking at the beauty of the green moss seemingly almost painted on the tree trunks and the pristineness of the rain dripping from the leaves on the trees, shimmering like glistening crystals, I thanked God for opening my eyes and letting me see the beauty that so many miss on a cloudy, rainy day because they are too busy complaining or just going about their day and It was then that it came to mind that we are getting ready to celebrate Independence day.
So, while I sat crying over the decisions I have been making, I was reminded to be thankful to have been given the freedom to do so and to be able to choose my own path to happiness. While I was asking God to guide me in my endeavors, I was suddenly compelled to remember those that made a much greater decision than I, a decision to give their life so that I could live mine.
For those who stood on that wall and fought for me and my family and those who heart wrenchingly stood by and watched them go…. God Bless You and Thank You for Your Sacrifice! With My Freedoms and My Choices in Life, I Will Not Let You Down!!