I suffer from mental abuse that has occurred, probably all of my life in some form or another and from many different sources along the way, but don’t we all suffer from some sort of mental anguish in our lives? Some sort of hurt that hit us at the very core of our soul. I venture to guess that each and every one of us has not only endured some form of hurt towards ourselves but has doled some out as well. Does that make it ok? Of course not.
The reality I am coming to terms with now, is that I only suffer from this abuse, because I accepted it as truth, and I allowed it to hurt me. The interesting thing is that once this form of hurt is imbedded into you, you are always living in a world of caution, of reflex and on constant defense mode. It just becomes a part of who you are.
The even greater reality is that you don’t see how it has truly affected you and the people doing it, don’t even realize what they are doing. They are reflecting their guilt on to you for their actions and making you feel as if you are to blame for their behaviors. They push you into a state of vulnerability and they take advantage of your kindness and your willingness to tolerate their attacks and they keep you in that state of belief, because you let them. You have lost the confidence in yourself and the ability to fight back. You eventually learn to give up and you accept the pain.
The greatest reality is what I am realizing today, this happens to you and beats you down emotionally and mentally, BECAUSE YOU LET IT!! It’s not enough to be kind and loving, generous, and caring, you have to be strong, independent, confidant, and somewhat callous, but most of all you have to know your worth and believe in yourself.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else believes, you believe in you and God believes in you.
Never let anyone make you feel less than, never let anyone control the narrative or place the guilt they hold onto you. Never place yourself in a position of such vulnerability that they feel power over you. No loud voice or intense temper, form of guilt or greater physical strength should ever be enough to make you submissive to their abuse.
What you must understand is they are not powerful, they are weak, so weak that they can’t even accept their own guilt, their own wrong doings, they refuse to take the blame for their own actions.
It's not easy to swallow your pride and take responsibility for your actions.
Know who you are, believe in yourself, be in control of your life and have faith in yourself and in God that your strength is awesome, your worth is immeasurable, and you are an incredible human being that deserves the best.
No one is perfect and no one deserves to carry themselves as such, other than God himself.
The hard part to this, other than the pain you endure is that it sometimes comes from people you love and for some of us, you don’t stop loving them because of it, you just stop loving you. I have always been someone who chooses to see the better in someone and not one to attack back, but to offer greater love and love them no less, because I knew the best part of who they were and what caused them to be this hurtful person was not who I believed they really were. This does not make it ok, but for me it made it a little easier to endure. Of course, I had no idea how it was truly affecting me.
What I do know is that I choose to let the hurt go and only remember the wonderful moments, the best of who they were and of who we were together and that does not make me a foolish person, it makes me the better person.
Everyone has issues and every one of us make mistakes and we all live with imperfections and pain that sometimes cause unintentional feelings or behaviors towards the ones we love, but it’s the intentional actions that we hurl at each other for our own self gain that are unacceptable and damaging to the ones we love. We live in a world of dog eat dog and it’s unfortunate and sad.
We as a society may never change these behaviors, but we as individuals can start by carry ourselves with dignity and pride and choose to be better than that. We can raise our own children to carry themselves with better moral character, to be respectful yet intolerant to other people’s garbage and to stand up for themselves while at the same time standing for others as well. No one should feel the need to belittle or judge another.
For those who have endured such abuse, it takes time to heal, and you will heal. Don’t let these actions hardened you, just know that you will never allow them again and you never deserved them. For those who love someone healing from such pain, give them time, be understanding and for goodness’ sake, don’t add to their hurt. This is not for you to fix, it is for you to stand by them and love them, comfort them, and encourage them.
Let your loved ones find their strength the way they need to, not the way you think they should. Just understand whatever it is they need to make them feel confident in themselves and don’t take that as an offensive action towards you. They are not trying to separate themselves from you, but from their old self. They are learning to be strong and proud, resilient, and independently powerful in order to heal what has been broken for so long.
It’s not a separation from you, but a reunification with themselves and the person they believe themselves to be and want to be. We can all use a rebuild from time to time and a reconnection to our inner self, our true character, our moral sanctity within ourselves.
I know I am working on just that. It’s been a long time, since I worked on who I am, and I am excited to find out. One thing I know for sure is, I am someone who deserves to be treated with dignity, respect and love and I believe in me. I know I can do all things through Christ because he strengthens me.
So, here’s a thought, be proud of who you are, be humble and be kind, be patient and understanding with the ones you love and have faith and believe in yourself and always know that when it seems as if no one cares, God is always there.