There is no one answer as to how life is meant to be lived for any one of us. We all presume to believe we know exactly the kind of life we want to live and how we want to live it, but none of us hold the answers when it comes to God’s plan for our lives and the path, we will ultimately travel.
I could have never imagined that my life would take such a dramatic turn leaving me empty and void, feeling lost and alone without the love of my life whom I had planned on spending the rest of my life with, but it most certainly did.
I questioned God’s reason and I spewed anger. I fell to my knees with pain and emotion and begged God to undo all that had been done. I asked God to guide me through my grief and help me to find some sort of peace and happiness through it all.
It’s amazing what God believes you are capable of handling, and it is much easier to handle with God by your side. I am still asking God to guide me, and I always will, because I know with him leading my direction, I will never fail.
I believed I knew what my life would look like now that I was alone, a single woman again, raising my youngest child on my own. I had every intention of it being just that, me and only me. I did not think that I could ever love again or that I would even want to, but the good lord had other plans for me, and my heart started to tell me so.
I didn’t want to spend my next Forty or Fifty years, God willing, alone, without love, friendship, and companionship in my life. I love having a partner, a best friend, and someone to love and love me back.
My whole life has always been about caring for others, my mother, my husband, my children, my patients, but I have never taken the time to put much effort into my love for me. I realize now that part of loving myself is living a life that I love and cherish. A life that entails me caring for my children and my mother as well as my in-laws, my sister and all of my family and friends, because that is what makes me happy and that is what fills my soul with joy.
Of course, my life would never be completely fulfilled without God’s presence in it and my faith in him. Finally, my happiness and what completes me and the life I love living is having someone beside me, holding my hand, sharing my joys and my goals and being my partner and best friend. Someone who walks with me through my ups and downs and together we pick each other up and carry each other through every trial and tribulation with warm, loving, arms reminding each other that we are never alone in this crazy world.
We don’t come into this world with a book of directions or even a knowing purpose. Every day is spent learning and making choices and hoping that the choices we are making are the best ones that will find us filled with joy and happiness, peace, and love. Every moment of our lives is a learning curve and of course there are some regrets and there is pain.
God gave us the gift of life; he didn’t promise us perfection. We did get one book of direction; The Holy Bible and it is most certainly filled with guidance and commandments that for us as humans is not so easy to follow without failure along the way. God does give us a choice; we can choose to live with faith in him and ask forgiveness when we fail, and he will save us when we come to him for saving and he will provide us a place in the promise land if we live our lives through him.
We will not always like the choices God makes for us or the path we end up on. Sometimes we will even be quite surprised at the timing when God’s chooses certain directions for us. We can’t know when our hearts will feel a love so perfect that it doesn’t even seem to make sense to us, but it does happen and only we the person feeling it can understand it.
What we can know is that if we are allowing God to lead our lives, we will never fall, we will rarely fail and we will find ourselves the happiest we had ever known we could be. It doesn’t always have to make sense; it doesn’t always have to fit a perfect timeline or even have perfect reason.
Only you yourself can know internally what feels absolutely right and perfect for you and only God can truly know what your purpose and path are in life, and he will never lead you in the wrong direction.
My path has been a curvy one, but it’s never been so winding, twisting, turning, that I could not find my way or see the light no matter how far off it may be. To my surprise, I see a very bright light ahead of me today, one filled with happiness, love, and a perfect ending. There will be failure but nothing successful ever came without a few failures along the way. I must say I like my odds today.
Life is worth living, love is worth fighting for and happiness is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. So live life to the fullest, love like there is no tomorrow, and find your greatest happiness, because with all of these you will have found the pot of gold God was leading you to.